Guilt

Most of the time, I feel accustomed to seeing people beg for money on the street. I understand that a whole system is in place. Someone sends children out begging and then takes the money from them. Sometimes parents put their kids up to the task. If you tried to take the kid home with you people would come out of the woodwork to find you and the kid. That said I still feel immensely guilty when a kid surprises me with a light, incessant poke-poke-poke to my knees. Often on the train these kids jump on into the ladies’ first class car, because it’s less crowded and because they look for money and beg. Sometimes these kids don’t even bother, they just enjoy the ride and hoot and holler and tease each other. If you look at them too blatantly they revert into the street mode and come over and stand in front of you tapping you and holding their palms out for money. When you’re not watching them they have this bundle of bristles tied at the top that they use to sweep under people’s feet looking for fallen bits of food and change. So often I have watched these kids sweep with one gesture and quickly pick out the bits of food and pop those bits into their mouths. So much guilt. At home I would absolve this guilt by participating in the community- most often by tutoring kids, teaching people to read, volunteer at homeless shelters, organize events. Here, what people need is money. It doesn’t make sense to teach someone to read English when s/he can’t read in his/her first language.


I feel as though one year is not enough time to be here. Hold me to that when I start whining mid-year.